Gue punya nyokap yang luar biasa, sampe-sampe gue ngerasa dia terlalu baik untuk dunia ini. Dia sangat perhatian dan pengertian pada siapa saja, bahkan kelembutan hatinya terkadang membuat gue menjerit ngga tahan. Gue ngga yakin bisa hidup kayak gitu, jujur aja gue juga ngga yakin akan memilih hidup seperti itu, maksud gue... di dunia yang kayak sekarang ini, orang yang terlalu baik hanya akan diinjak-injak dan dibuang kayak sampah.
Hatinya lapang... bahkan mungkin seluruh dunia muat didalamnya, dia menyadari kesusahan orang lain dan selalu bersedia membantu. Kadang dia menumpahkan keluh kesahnya padaku, dan aku semakin kelam dalam kebaikan hatinya. Dia sosok baik yang terlalu baik bagiku, dia memikirkan banyak hal kecuali dirinya sendiri...
dia adalah satu-satunya pertimbangan ku dalam mencapai mimpiku.
Bayangkan jika kamu harus menyakiti satu orang yang begitu baik untuk mencapai mimpimu, apa kamu sanggup? Gue ingin membahagiakan dia dengan apa yang selama ini diinginkannya, melepaskan dia dari kesusahannya, tapi mimpi-mimpiku tidak sejalan dengan itu, lantas aku harus bagaimana?
Kalau saja mama ku adalah perempuan bawel yang selalu mencampuri urusan ku atau apalah yang bisa membuat aku tidak begitu menyayanginya... sayangnya dia adalah mama hebat lengkap dengan segala kekurangannya...
Minggu, 27 Desember 2009
Sabtu, 26 Desember 2009
West Guy... For The First Time
Hahaha, akhirnya gue bertobat, itu pendapat temen gue aktu tau gue ngidolain sosok cowok barat, edward cullen yang diperankanRobert Pattinson. well, gue pernah suka Harry Potter sebenarnya, tapi gue beda... gue suka segala magic dan ceritanya, bukan Harry-nya. Sedangkan Edward ini, gue suka "dia"nya... sifatnya, karakternya, ucapan-ucapannya, dan tentu aja... mukanya yang cakep. Hahahaha...
Edward pucat, ice cold skinned, gold eyes, dan yang bikin gue lumerrr adalah protectifnya pada Bella, posesifnya akan cinta, dan kata-kata yang ngga mungkin akan diucapkan human boys karena terlalu menggelikan... tapi ngga menggelikan diucapkan seorang edward...
ck ck ck apalah gue... hohoho...
tp gue bener-bener ngga pernah ngidolain pria barat, dan kali ini bener-bener pertama kali buat gue, west guy is cool wkwkwkwk...
temen gue bilang mereka tertarik pada west guy pas puber, jadi gue telat puber~ wkwkwkwk...
but who's care?? sekarang mereka suka apa? kalo mereka suka asia, gue udah suka sejak puber, jadi mereka juga telat puber donk? puber versi gue~ atau mereka masih suka west guy? berarti sama lah sama gue? wkwkwk...
Hidup edward cullen, You colouring my life...
Edward pucat, ice cold skinned, gold eyes, dan yang bikin gue lumerrr adalah protectifnya pada Bella, posesifnya akan cinta, dan kata-kata yang ngga mungkin akan diucapkan human boys karena terlalu menggelikan... tapi ngga menggelikan diucapkan seorang edward...ck ck ck apalah gue... hohoho...
tp gue bener-bener ngga pernah ngidolain pria barat, dan kali ini bener-bener pertama kali buat gue, west guy is cool wkwkwkwk...
temen gue bilang mereka tertarik pada west guy pas puber, jadi gue telat puber~ wkwkwkwk...
but who's care?? sekarang mereka suka apa? kalo mereka suka asia, gue udah suka sejak puber, jadi mereka juga telat puber donk? puber versi gue~ atau mereka masih suka west guy? berarti sama lah sama gue? wkwkwk...
Hidup edward cullen, You colouring my life...
Jumat, 25 Desember 2009
Ow Ow Ow
Need to find out some answer, that's why I decide to go today... With some people that I don't so near with, but weirdly I can really enjoy today ^.~ it's FUN to crazy sometimes...
And I've got the answer, I can really freely enjoy to have a trip with one person... without really thinking what is his value on my heart... someone I ever love very much... That's the answer I wanna seek for.
In love story, I just a very loser that scare to accept anything... I love someone, and hurting someone love me, again and again until I feel tired of this all and stop loving. Long time pass, and I realize that I'm not change much, so I have thinking that Am I really love him now? or I already forget about it?
So the chance is come. He ask me to join his group to go in the trip holiday. I feel anxious, but then I decide to go. Coz I wanna find the answer of my heart.
I know he gotta girlfriend, so I take the bet. If I Lose, that's mean I still love him, I will hurting my heart all day today. But If I win, that's mean I have accept about the truth, I will free.
I AM WIN... YUHUUUU... TELL THE WORLD THIS WKWKWK... I'm very happy...
because I have so confused about my own feeling before, am I still love him? or not?? And now I can shout out the answerrr.... I AM NOT ANYMORE... Whateva he gotta girl or boy? friend... hahaha... It's none of my bussiness.
Today is Christmas, and this is my great present... ^.^
And I've got the answer, I can really freely enjoy to have a trip with one person... without really thinking what is his value on my heart... someone I ever love very much... That's the answer I wanna seek for.
In love story, I just a very loser that scare to accept anything... I love someone, and hurting someone love me, again and again until I feel tired of this all and stop loving. Long time pass, and I realize that I'm not change much, so I have thinking that Am I really love him now? or I already forget about it?
So the chance is come. He ask me to join his group to go in the trip holiday. I feel anxious, but then I decide to go. Coz I wanna find the answer of my heart.
I know he gotta girlfriend, so I take the bet. If I Lose, that's mean I still love him, I will hurting my heart all day today. But If I win, that's mean I have accept about the truth, I will free.
I AM WIN... YUHUUUU... TELL THE WORLD THIS WKWKWK... I'm very happy...
because I have so confused about my own feeling before, am I still love him? or not?? And now I can shout out the answerrr.... I AM NOT ANYMORE... Whateva he gotta girl or boy? friend... hahaha... It's none of my bussiness.
Today is Christmas, and this is my great present... ^.^
Sabtu, 19 Desember 2009
Disappointed
Apapun yang gue lakukan, seharusnya memang ngga mengharapkan apa-apa dari siapapun, tapi ketika kita berusaha melakukan sesuatu... bukankah kita butuh sebuah penghargaan atas apa yang kita lakukan? pujian, atau sedikit tepuk tangan... atau setidaknya tatapan menghargai...
Gue ngga pernah nyesel terlahir dalam keluarga yang gue punya sekarang, orangtua gue bukan tipe penyayang ataupun romantis, ngga jarang gue malah ngerasa takut akan pernikahan ketika gue melihat mereka. Tapi kalo gue umpamakan, bagi gue mereka itu the references book, buku yang menginspirasi kehidupan gue...
Berkat mereka, gue tahu apa yang namanya hidup susah, dan berusaha. Berkat mereka, gue ngerti yang namanya kasih sayang dan gue berharap bisa mengembalikannya dengan setimpal. Tapi bukan berarti gue puas akan semuanya, toh gue cuma manusia... gue tetap aja ngerasa ada yang kurang... ada yang gue ngga suka.
Gue seneng parents gue memberikan gue kebebasan, kepercayaan, tapi kenapa sekarang sikapnya terkesan cuek hingga ngga mau tau apapun ya bagi gue? Yang membuat gue paling kesel adalah, setelah mereka yang begitu cueknya sehingga "ngga pernah tau apa-apa" tentang kehidupan gue malah seenaknya aja men cap gue dengan sesuatu hal yang negatif... bukan kejahatan, ngga, sesuatu yang gue lakukan sebagai suatu kesenangan setelah apa yang secara letih gue perjuangkan... HANCUR... hati gue langsung berkeping-keping...
Gue ngga peduli siapapun ngomong apapun tentang gue, tapi ketika hal itu dilakukan kedua orangtua gue... well, ternyata begini toh sakitnya...
Gue ngga pernah nyesel terlahir dalam keluarga yang gue punya sekarang, orangtua gue bukan tipe penyayang ataupun romantis, ngga jarang gue malah ngerasa takut akan pernikahan ketika gue melihat mereka. Tapi kalo gue umpamakan, bagi gue mereka itu the references book, buku yang menginspirasi kehidupan gue...
Berkat mereka, gue tahu apa yang namanya hidup susah, dan berusaha. Berkat mereka, gue ngerti yang namanya kasih sayang dan gue berharap bisa mengembalikannya dengan setimpal. Tapi bukan berarti gue puas akan semuanya, toh gue cuma manusia... gue tetap aja ngerasa ada yang kurang... ada yang gue ngga suka.
Gue seneng parents gue memberikan gue kebebasan, kepercayaan, tapi kenapa sekarang sikapnya terkesan cuek hingga ngga mau tau apapun ya bagi gue? Yang membuat gue paling kesel adalah, setelah mereka yang begitu cueknya sehingga "ngga pernah tau apa-apa" tentang kehidupan gue malah seenaknya aja men cap gue dengan sesuatu hal yang negatif... bukan kejahatan, ngga, sesuatu yang gue lakukan sebagai suatu kesenangan setelah apa yang secara letih gue perjuangkan... HANCUR... hati gue langsung berkeping-keping...
Gue ngga peduli siapapun ngomong apapun tentang gue, tapi ketika hal itu dilakukan kedua orangtua gue... well, ternyata begini toh sakitnya...
Jumat, 18 Desember 2009
First Time For Me
In my life, there is alot of time when I've think about my weirdness. Weirdness of my mind, the way I think, the act I do, or even my mask.. my cover. I've a lot of friends, I realize that, I can say my life is so colorful is because of their existing, but I don't really open myself... not because don't want actually, just because I know... they can't... not yet... to approve myself.
I can talk about one person, for example. I don't want to say the name, but I have think that she is the most best friend of me before, but not now, however I can realize that she is not really exciting to know about me... you can say that I'm too sensitive but I really can realize the feeling of someone... actually some one that near with me, and I realize that our relation is just on the cover, the face, the upside of water.
Today is the first time to me, to talk openly to someone... not to open actually hehe... but the most of my life... I can say about my weirdness... some of the many :p
Am I gladly about this? find someone can hear, share about my weirdnesses?
In fact, I'm not really glad. I don't know why...
I can talk about one person, for example. I don't want to say the name, but I have think that she is the most best friend of me before, but not now, however I can realize that she is not really exciting to know about me... you can say that I'm too sensitive but I really can realize the feeling of someone... actually some one that near with me, and I realize that our relation is just on the cover, the face, the upside of water.
Today is the first time to me, to talk openly to someone... not to open actually hehe... but the most of my life... I can say about my weirdness... some of the many :p
Am I gladly about this? find someone can hear, share about my weirdnesses?
In fact, I'm not really glad. I don't know why...
Kamis, 10 Desember 2009
Cover Of Me
I'm not a book, so you can't easily read on me
My heart is always covered by smile and laugh
But when I laugh, or I smile
It's not always means the same...
I need you to understand
even that I don't say anything
even that I don't explain anything...
but I never got what I hope for
so I just threw myself into deep loneliness...
I want to scream out
I want to cry out
I really want to bite you and hit your head
So maybe you can woke up and realize...
That I don't really smile and forgive you...
That I don't really good and have no problem...
That I really need you..
even you busy on your own...
You called yourself my friend,
but the one thing you've do is just smile and laugh together with me...
when I really need you to depend on,
I realize...
That you don't really understand me much...
You just see the covering me...
Sometimes, I hope you dare to open my cover and see what I have inside my heart and my mind...
I don't really what I show you...
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